Shravan Kumar was not an Ideal Son: Why You shouldn't have to live with your Children

We celebrate Shravan Kumar, the son who carried his blind parents on his shoulders, as the picture of devotion. In India, that expectation still shapes family life. A child who moves away may be asked who will care for their parents. A family considering a retirement community can face whispers of selfishness. Growing old is treated as a household responsibility, even when everyone involved has different needs.

Living with your parents can be a choice made out of love. It can be practical, joyful and right for a family. The problem begins when sharing a home becomes the only acceptable proof of being a good son or daughter. Care is measured by an address, and independence starts to look like betrayal.

Indian traditions have never been as simple as this expectation suggests. The Hindu concept of the four āśramas includes vanaprastha, a stage associated with stepping back from household responsibilities and turning towards a different phase of life. It was an ideal rather than a universal rule, and it did not mean abandoning family. It offers a reminder: later life has its own purpose. It need not revolve entirely around adult children.

India’s senior-living sector is growing. Coimbatore has become a prominent market for retirement communities, with developments aimed at older adults who want support while keeping control over their daily lives. It has been projected that India’s senior-living sector could reach US$7.7 billion by 2030. These figures point to a shift in how retirement is being planned. For some older adults, moving into a community is a considered decision, not a family failure.

Yet the guilt can be difficult to shake. Many parents spend decades making their children the centre of their lives. Their routines follow school schedules, exams, jobs and marriages. When the children leave, the quiet can feel unfamiliar. Parents may expect them to return, not always because they need daily help, but because living apart can seem like a sign that the family has changed for the worse.

Bollywood’s Baghban turned the fear of being abandoned by one’s children into a household conversation. Years later, the question remains: why is growing old without living with your children still seen as a failure of family values? Photo Source: Prime Video

This expectation is part of a larger pattern, where Indian parents often measure their own worth through their children’s achievements, as explored in “Kitna Kamate Ho”: The Measure of Worth for Indian Parents.

Children, meanwhile, can feel trapped between affection and obligation. They may want to build a career in another city, share a home with a partner, or live alone. None of those choices automatically means they care less. Distance can make support harder, but it does not make love disappear. Families can arrange visits, contribute to expenses and find suitable care without treating co-residence as a moral test.

Retirement should offer room for a life that belongs to the older person. Someone who has spent years raising a family may want to travel, learn something new, make friends or live somewhere that suits their needs. They should not have to ask their children for permission to begin again. Nor should adult children be expected to give up every personal plan to prove their gratitude.

Many people want that closeness, and it can work beautifully when everyone chooses it freely. But a parent’s worth is not measured by how near their children live, and a child’s love cannot be judged by a shared postal address.

Shravan Kumar’s story has survived because it speaks to devotion. It should not become a lifelong contract that every child must copy. Parents deserve care, respect and security as they age. They also deserve the freedom to decide what those years look like. After spending so much of their lives helping their children discover the world, they should be allowed to see more of it themselves.